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One fine day weapos;ll all look back and realize that the world is aging mighty rapidly. We will all think how much time weapos;ve scrutinized or perhaps how much time weapos;ve used up to wail and procrastinate. And when we do take a step to look back and contemplate, we are driven into a uncertain commodity, somewhat peculiar yet familiar.

Like the scent of crumpled roses, we are able to relate to and be fond of. When we do happen to reach to that point do we plunge into deep thoughts, all nothing but a tornado of emotions fabricated. We may smile, frown, mourn or laugh our asses off but to put it simply, a roller coaster ride back to the past.

School is ending in 3 more days.

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I just found a remix of a red hot chili peppers song on my Big Tunes 2008. I lolapos;d. I just now found it.

Anyway, I�totally spaced what I want-..(i remembered)

I miss my hair.. Like, my blue and green and all that weird stuff. Iapos;m just going to grow it out now. I guess�I really canapos;t do much with it after school. I guess I can just do a bunch of "weird" natural colors..

similar to this...

her hair is many different "natural" colors..

I dunno. I just found this crazy song by Cyndi Lauper, "Into the night" and I like the beat of it, itapos;s totally like.. House music. Itapos;s sorta like, WTF?

Now itapos;s a beat thatapos;s stuck on my head, so iapos;ll listen to it for a while now. Anyway, My computer is being a lilapos; douche bag and doing and update thing right now..

ungh, I really need some money. I def gotta get some candy n other things for the weekends to make them more fun and enahgy-packed.

A really funny thing happend over the weekend while brett was over, we were playinapos; Uno on xbox live.
..and suddenly I�was room boucning and I was all,�
"Yo, datapos;s sum sweet shit, Shit.. SHIT.. SHIT"
because I just realized i went into a room entirely full of black guys.
They all started at my white ass(not literally) like, " yo, wut the fuck is this shit?"
so inbetween the whole "yo dats sum sweet shit"*right here, i realized where I�went and said, shit shit�ahaha�(in the same accent/tone i started with, haha)

It was quite epic really. I�have no idea, I�was imitating some people and making people laugh and everything, it was gud.

Lots of that kinda crap happens but I really donapos;t write about it anymore until like, waaaaaaaaay after the fact.

peace mates.

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Iapos;m very scared of losing the things/people that I donapos;t want to lose. But this is a phase of life and what can we do apart from living with it?

Some things/people that I definitely donapos;t want to lose
Amran
Sam
Mum + Dad (But I canapos;t help but feel that Iapos;m already losing them because we just cannot get along)
Jueling
Nic + JY + SC
Fel + Hazel
James + Arif + Adam (Half losing them to NS and gfs already. =( )
Dewi + Jo
Music
Food

Not a lot of people and things. But Iapos;m still scared.

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*I hate that I�get angry at people when they ask me simple things, like "how are you?" and "whatapos;s wrong?" because I canapos;t answer and I donapos;t know how to answer those questions even if I could.*


*I hate that I write sad songs, and people might think that they are a cry for help, but I always try to assure them that they arenapos;t when what I really need is to be reassured."


*I hate that Iapos;m always in pain, and that I�seek pain, because I�think pain means Iapos;m doing something right for once; I SHOULD�BE�IN�PAIN and Iapos;m unhappy when Iapos;m not in pain.*


*I hate that Iapos;m uncomfortable when people hug me because I worry that they will be able to feel how FAT I feel inside.* �


*I hate that my stomach makes embarrassing noises in front of people and they look at me funny.*�







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Okay, so I didnt really say too much last night, other than the fact that i binged.

Aside from the small binge, Ive been doing well. Ive gone to the gym everyday since I started feeling better and my eating has stayed on track. Went to the gym this morning and for lunch had half a white pita with two pieces of turkey and then a berry apple sauce (my fave so yum)

Ive been doing like 200 crunches and other ab exercises a day and I can definitely feel it, but I do look slimmer.

My date last night went well. Heapos;s really nice and we seemed to hit it off. Ended up being lots of making out =x I told myself I wasnt going to rush into anything, but I guess I let that go. I need to step back and control myself more. I thought it went well, but I havent heard from him and I dont really plan on texting him. Iapos;m going to have to start playing games again. I hate games. .
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Wednesday and Thursday I had lots of meetings.� I�met with Pastor, the missions director, the secretary and a few supporters.� They all went really well.� I�am relived to have them over with.� I�think I get stressed for nothing before those meetings.

I did do some fun things yesterday.� I�had lunch with a group of people I worked with at US Bank when I�lived here (many years ago).� It was good to catch up with them. �Then, last night a friend of mine surprised me and took me to the Arkansas state fair.� I�really enjoyed just walking around seeing the rides and animals.� Of course, we enjoyed some good fair cuisine: turkey leg and funnel cake-good stuff.

Tonight a friend of mine is throwing me a party at her dadapos;s farm.� We will be doing a bon fire and for wheeling.� I�am excited

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This is why I donapos;t post on the meet up thread for AZ�BJD�owners:

"Remember, Iapos;ve only been into the hobby a few months and most meets that I hear about/want to go to are way the hell far away from where I live (or I canapos;t find them through no fault of my own). This was fine when I had a car but now I live on my own and I was forced to sell my car (long story but yes, it was by force). And letapos;s face it, the carpool thing hasnapos;t really been working. Or if it has, I am completely unaware. I offered rides in the past that no one took up *shrugs*

East-ish Valley is too far for people in Glendale/Phoenix, but areas like Glendale/Phoenix are too far for people in the East-ish Valley. (I say -ish because the East Valley is pretty big). A fantastic example is Saboten (not a doll meet really but thisapos;ll get my point across). I had to drive 30+ miles one way to get there and since I didnapos;t have a hotel (hooray being under 21 and having uncooperating parents) so I was driving 60+ miles a day. Even if I wanted to take the bus, itapos;s really confusing-to me anyway- to try and navigate 30 miles to a meet.

Hereapos;s what I suggest. Figure out where the farthest people live (N,E,S, and W) on a map. Then find the most central location that has places we could do a meet.
Then do that.

Or have the occassional west-side, east-side meets (to which of course anyone is welcome) and then an everyone meet. Then people (like myself) will stop complaining."

Now this was posted by a girl who was completely bitching about the fact that the last meet she couldnapos;t find because of the wrong address being posted. However, this was found out by the original poster and she changed that once she found out. This happened on Sept. 28th. Itapos;s now Oct. 16th and the above poster is still complaining about this Grrr She is really starting to irratate me. Just drop it already.

I did post my two cents however and basically said this:

"Shut the fuck up with your bitching. Not everyone can make every meet. If you donapos;t like the damn location, start a fucking meet of your own."

It was worded much nicer over in the forum, but I thought Iapos;d post it here the way it was worded in my head.

You can read more over on the AZ�BJD�forums:
�

[URL="http://s4.invisionfree.com/azbjd/"][IMG]http://i67.photobucket.com/albums/h319/ann_riojas/1cb6cbc2.jpg[/IMG][/URL]

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